Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 02: "It Takes Two"

"The perfect couple. We've all met them, haven't we? That man and woman so clearly made for each other, we feel certain they're on the road to happiness. But that road has many detours, and even perfect couples can find themselves at a dead-end."

And so Mary Alice's disembodied monologue starts DH 3x02! Bree's bridesmaids, aka Gaby, Susan and Lynette practise their bridesmaids' tact when dealing with the various jobs Bree has assigned them to. Bree's wedding is in 2 weeks and Susan feels that Bree should talk to Orson, postpone the wedding, just clear evrything up and don't make the biggest mistake of her life! When Bree overhears her passionate opinion, Susan cleverly covers up her blunder by "confessing" to their hideous key-lime bridesmaid dresses as being Bree's possible biggest mistake. Susan and Ian go out for a date and things are getting off to a charming start when, uh-oh, Jane (Ian's comatose wife)'s parents materialize in the exact same restaurant! Ian panics and creates a huge hole when he declares Susan to be a new neuro-specialist on Jane's team! He really shouldn't have when they only assumed she was someone working in his publishing place=p (Hilarious moment: Susan hearing her phone"vibrating" to make a getaway. Stat!) Ian, Ian...tsk~ Later on, Susan says that he must have panicked because part of him still feels like he's cheating on Jane and is surprised when Ian confesses that he has thought of her as more than just a friend for a while now. When he doesn't want to just be friends, Susan decides to cut ties with Ian. Bree firmly believes and stands by Orson, even when he tells her that he would understand if she wanted to back out of marrying someone "under a cloud". The police investigate a body they found, which was perfectly preserved due to having been buried in clay, and attempt to discover who it is. Tellingly, the female corpse had all her teeth taken out. Ooo~~

Lynette is going crazy over Nora's inserting himself into their family life and is oh-so-relieved when Nora finds a trucker boyfriend who really isn't all that awesome and freaks when she breaks up with the guy. Being in charge of Bree's seating plans, she invites Nora and dumps her on a table with a lot of single friends of Tom's. Edie threatens to shoot an intruder (she has fire-arms! Wisteria Lane is really not as idyllic as it seems! But we already knew that ^_~) who turns out to be her nephew, Austin. He meets Julie and oooh, the chemistry. They have a less than friendly first encounter, typical "bad boy" against "good girl", but the lingering looks they give, you know they've taken to each other. Hook up abound guys! Should be interesting with Edie still having the mother of all grudges on Susan;) Gaby and Carlos are having it out at the divorce mediator's. He comes by to the house later on and lets her have his mama's pearl necklace, a precious family heirloom. Gaby's reciprocal gesture is to invite him to Bree's wedding reception which will be held at their house and which he will be paying for! He asks for a kiss on the cheek and she indulges him. All in the name of jewellery! All their "flirting", as Carlos perceives, makes Carlos think that there's a chance they might get back together, but Gaby is of the firm belief that no, hell no, that's not going to be happening.

Susan acts on her uneasiness about Orson when she spots him angrily cutting off a 'Just Married' sign complete with cans off his car. She seeks out Carolyn, Orson's ex-neighbour, and she finds out that the police had searched Orson's old house but found nothing. Not just nothing nothing. But absolutely nothing. No skin cells, no source of DNA. "Like Alma had never existed." He cleaned the entire house with bleach! After their meeting, Susan called up the detective in charge of the case and found out that Orson was not only a suspect in Alma's disappearance, but that he was the only suspect! And he was never charged because a body was never found! She shares her information with the other bridesmaids and they confront Bree. Pleaded with her to re-consider, to talk to the detective, postpone the wedding. But she denies them, saying she has no doubts about Orson. And she walks down the aisle like the beautiful bride she made, and just before the reverend starts the rituals of matrimony, she pauses the wedding to talk to Orson. Lol! He tells her he did not kill his wife and when he's upset, he cleans! She relates and she believes Orson. And they are wed in the eyes of man.

Nora is complaining about the "losers" at her table and Lynette is going crazy over Nora's existence. She just wants to shove Nora off to some unsuspecting single man and get rid of her from their lives. Enter a dejected Carlos, who Gaby said she had no chance of taking back, and Lynette guides him to her table. Carlos and Nora must have hit it off, to say the least, judging from the way they were dirty dancing on the floor. Gaby is furious. Nora declares Lynette as the culprit. While Gaby quarrels with Carlos, the pearls explode in Carlos's tugging hands. As they crawl on the floor to collect the little opalesque pretties, Xiao Mei shows up and her water breaks..."I think, maybe it's time." At the hospital, Lynette brings over a change of clothes for Gaby, who is still furious with Lynette. "Carlos will never be fair game. You know the rules." Lynette confesses that she was desperate! Ever since that woman (read: Nora) forced her way into their lives and refused to leave them alone, she has been going crazy and the anger has been building and building inside. She's mad at herself for being mad at Tom for a mistake he made 12 years ago! She can't take it anymore. Gaby looks at her and takes her hand, fingering her wedding ring. She tells Lynette firmly that Tom and her will get through this episode in their lives. Lynette asks her how she can be so sure. Gaby sadly replies that some marriages are made to last and others aren't. She knows the difference... (Choked-up moment!)

Meanwhile, while Xiao Mei is pushing Carlos and Gaby's offspring out of her uterus, Gaby and Carlos put aside their differences in preparation of bringing a new life into their world. Until...the doctor delivering the baby reveals the new-born to be definitely-not-Hispanic, but an African-American! (Hilarious moment: When Carlos fiddles quizzically with the camcorder's colour settings!) The fertility clinic had messed it up, and there's no baby to switch with because their embryo didn't take=( Carlos later says that at least their divorce will be less complicated. It's a bittersweet moment as she departs his car and they look at each other as Gaby prepares to enter their house. Sighhh...

Ian had made his way to the wedding reception and declares not-so-discreetly to Susan that when you find someone who brings joy into your life when you never thought you could feel that way again, you just don't give up on her, all under the guise of giving a toast to Orson and Bree. A detective shows up and asks for Orson to identify a body at the morgue. Orson tells them that it's not Alma. The detective has that look where he knows something the rest doesn't and is testing Orson, when he asks him to clarify, "Are you sure?". Orson says, "Absolutely", and is shocked (and nervous, it seems?) when Carolyn walks in to give a second opinion. But it really isn't Alma. She gives Bree a fresh warning but Bree tells her to leave them alone, that she will never doubt Orson again. But what she doesn't hear is Orson lingering at the door, whispering, "Tu me manques, Monique", which translates to "I miss you, Monique." What the fudge?! What does that mean?? Obviously, he knows this poor Monique. Another ex-wife? And what about Alma? I have this feeling that the detective has something up his sleeve, and we don't know that he doesn't actually have Alma's body hidden somewhere. We don't know that Monique is the same body with all her teeth pulled out. Hmm... Maybe Orson is a crazy dentist who went to jail for pulling out women's teeth? Ex-wives' teeth? Maybe that's the jail-connection with Mike and their history??! Ahh well, more to reveal as the season unfolds! All I can think is poor Bree, she always get the weirdos...

"Have you met the perfect couple? The two soulmates whose love never dies? The two lovers whose relationship is never threatened? The husband and wife who trust each other completely? If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of buttercream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other."

Next ep: DH 3x03: "A Weekend In The Country" Spoiler: (highlight to read) Ian and Susan get away!